Fake Metropolitan Diary

Spirited analysis of the weekly "Metropolitan Diary" column in the New York Times along with my own fake Metropolitan Diary entries.

Name:
Location: New York, New York, United States

Monday, February 27, 2006

Metropolitan Diary analysis: 2006-02-27

Link to today's Metropolitan Diary
  • Second-grade girl says something precocious to help a fellow student and gets her father's voice back(?!). Category: Precocious NY Kids
  • Passer-by overhears conversation about pies, cracks on George W. Bush. Category: New York Eccentrics
  • Business guy lifts old woman up over snowbank and goes about his busy day without a word. Category: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!
  • Girl misspells the word "sleigh", has a "brain freeze", dazzles old lady named "Peninnah Schram" (I swear I am not making this up!). Categories: Amusing Misspellings, Precocious NY KIds
  • Father gives kid advice on being honest with storekeepers but taking advantage of others in business. Category: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!
  • Boyfriend proposes to woman on Battery Park boardwalk, onlookers cheer; later, eavesdroppers in East Village restaurant congratulate them. Category: New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All (This was the first entry which made me think of introducing this new category, as this was not really a Rube story, as the previous Aren't So Bad entries were.)
Totals for this Metropolitan Diary:
Precocious NY Kids: 2
New York Eccentrics: 1
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 2
Amusing Misspellings: 1
New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All: 1

Totals for year to date:
Precocious NY Kids: 11
New York Eccentrics: 10
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 10
Jaded New Yorkers: 9
Rubes in the Big City: 5
Precocious NY Pets: 4
Amusing Misspellings: 4
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 3
New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All: 3
WTF:2

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Fake Entries #s 3 and 4

  • I saw a young man wearing a rainbow-colored hat and an orange jacket with suede patches walking a small spaniel in a red sweater. Surprisingly, there was a woman with him! Category: Precocious New York Men
  • Later, while walking down Columbus Avenue, I heard a middle-aged lady say to her friend, "I've seen 'em throw up right in front of me and I think, oh boy, it's winter throw-up season!" Oh, those precocious throwing-up kids! Category: Precocious New York Kids
Bruno Gigante

Fake Entry #2

In Central Park near West 92nd, I saw a little Asian girl pushing a scooter and talking to her mother, who was pushing a small pink bike with training wheels. The girl stopped right in front of me, pointed, and said something to her mother. I didn't know what she said because I don't understand their language.

Irving Geezmeyer

Category: Crotchety Old New Yorkers

Monday, February 20, 2006

Fake Entry #1

Dear Diary:

While walking on the Upper West Side today, I saw a middle-aged lady walking a small dog. In one hand she was intently reading the New Yorker, and in the other hand she held a paper towel full of her dog's feces. Clearly she was multitasking!
Myron Dilznick

Category: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers / Precocious NY Pets

Metropolitan Diary analysis: 2006-02-20

Now that I've caught up to the current week, I can link to the 2/20/06 Metropolitan Diary to which this entry refers. Read today's Metro Diary and use the below categories as a handy guide to help you follow along!
  • Dog only wants to walk on blocks where pet stores are located. Category: Precocious NY Pets
  • Kid claims mother, a psychiatrist, is an astronaut. Category: Precocious NY Kids
  • "Scruffy" New York hipster overheard blaming society for everything. Category: New York Eccentrics
  • Woman is rollerblading, talking on a cell phone, and pushing a baby carriage. Category: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!
  • Rube spotted reading "New York City for Dummies" while driving over Williamsburg Bridge. Category: Rubes in the Big City
  • Daughter exclaims with pleasure that a home-cooked Indian meal "tastes like takeout". Category: Precocious NY Kids
  • Person "strumming" on bars of subway station. Category: New York Eccentrics

Totals for this Metropolitan Diary:
Precocious NY Pets: 1
Precocious NY Kids: 2
New York Eccentrics: 2
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 1
Rubes in the Big City: 1

Totals for year to date:
Jaded New Yorkers: 9
Precocious NY Kids: 9
New York Eccentrics: 9
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 8
Rubes in the Big City: 5
Precocious NY Pets: 4
Amusing Misspellings: 3
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 3
WTF:2

Monday, February 13, 2006

Metropolitan Diary analysis: 2006-02-13

  • Single woman's reaction to a "Hot Heros" sign. Category: Single New York Woman's Perspective
  • "Character" pointing out a hawk in Inwood. Category: New York Eccentrics
  • Person brushing their teeth as they cross the street. Categories: New York Eccentrics / Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!
  • Story about a suited person with a bouquet of deli flowers and a student type with a single red rose. Category: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!
  • Woman having to sign for a prescription for her pet as June (Cat) Mendelson. Category: Precocious NY Pets
    • Admittedly, this is about a precocious pet owner rather than a precocious pet, but in the interest of reducing the number of categories I'll leave it be
  • Kid asking Grandpa how much he would get for making a phone call to his cell. Category: Precocious NY Kids

Totals for this Metropolitan Diary:
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 1
New York Eccentrics: 2
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 2
Precocious NY Pets: 1
Precocious NY Kids: 1

Totals for year to date:
Jaded New Yorkers: 9
Precocious NY Kids: 8
New York Eccentrics: 7
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 7
Rubes in the Big City: 4
Amusing Misspellings: 3
Precocious NY Pets: 3
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 3
WTF:2

Monday, February 06, 2006

Metropolitan Diary analysis: 2006-02-06

  • Kid would trade his father for a cat. Category: Precocious NY Kids
  • Wealthy philanthropist claims to have pneumonia to avoid fund-raising events. Category: Jaded New Yorkers
  • Random acts of kindness (return of additional change at bodega, return of cell phone in subway, return of lost check) greet new arrival to NYC. Categories: Rubes in the Big City, New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All
  • Guy tells nurse which eye to operate on in an eccentric manner. Category: New York Eccentrics / WTF
    • This one had a bit of the WTF factor, as in why the hell was this included?
  • Person talking loudly on cell phone on bus ("fast-paced") must be drowned out by person singing opera ("eccentric"). Categories: Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers! / New York Eccentrics
  • Person attempts to speak to another person in post office line; another person speaks for the group when she says "I hate it when weird strangers talk to me". Category: Jaded New Yorkers

Totals for this Metropolitan Diary:
Precocious NY Kids: 1
Jaded New Yorkers: 2
Rubes in the Big City: 1
New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All: 1
New York Eccentrics: 2
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 2
WTF: 1

Totals for year to date:
Jaded New Yorkers: 9
Precocious NY Kids: 7
New York Eccentrics: 5
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 5
Rubes in the Big City: 4
Amusing Misspellings: 3
Precocious NY Pets: 2
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 2
New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All: 2
WTF:2