Metropolitan Diary analysis, 2006-08-21

Hello dear readers, I am trying to be prompt about this blog again and so here is the analysis of today's Metropolitan Diary:

• Real New Yorker gives advice to tourists about how to behave in New York, and also includes anecdote in which a tourist family holds their kids out of everyone's way so that the New Yorkers can go to work. Category: Rubes in the Big City
  
• Kids offer lemonade to passer-by and when asked why they do not charge, are told it is Shabbos. Category: Precocious NY Kids (so, apropos of my comment last week that Precocious NY Kids has taken a break for the summer, let me note that this may mean summer nears its end. Or, maybe it's that kids who honor Shabbos stick around the Upper West Side in the summer?)
• Starbucks counterperson easily handles two complex orders, but is taken aback by the writer's order of a "light decaf". Category: Jaded New Yorkers (This entry confused me greatly as I am filled with hatred for both parties. My first reaction was anger towards the writer for ordering something that can really only be ordered in old-style New York delis, which have largely disappeared. So I can't call that person a rube, more like out of touch. (Note the comment "In desperate need of a cup of coffee, I ended up recently in a Starbucks". I guess the local Greek Deli With Shitty Old Pot Of Coffee was out of coffee that day when you got desperate?) On the other hand, I am filled with self-hatred because I have become a person that thinks everyone should know the retarded and pretentious Starbucks ordering system. Basically, if you have to say something which will modify the amount of foam in your special coffee order, or if your coffee order includes ingredients other than coffee, milk, and possibly sugar, you are fucking pretentious. I even hate myself for knowing to say "venti drip" instead of "large coffee". And, even a 5-year veteran barista should still understand classic New York City coffee orders like "light decaf", "small dark coffee", and whatnot. So this Metro Diary entry has sent me on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Thanks, Suzanne.)
• Two nannies argue over what one's charge did to the other. Category: Precocious NY Kids
• Bus driver threatens to turn off A/C on very hot day unless a pregnant woman is given a seat. Category: New York Eccentrics
• Cabbie pretends to confuse visitors with "showgirls", to their delight. Category: Rubes in the Big City
• Van remodelling funeral home has sign offering "creative finishes". Category: Amusing Misspellings (if there was a "shitty jokes" category I'd use that instead)
• Person on bus is overheard to say to his or her friend that "you're never really off [work]". Category: New York Eccentrics (This one is a mystery to me... either it's a joke so bad that my mind cannot fathom that it might be a joke, or I'm just dense and this is supposed to reference something I don't understand. Either way, I feel dumber and angrier just for having read it.)

Totals for this Metropolitan Diary:
Amusing Misspellings: 1
Jaded New Yorkers: 1
New York Eccentrics: 2
Precocious NY Kids: 2
Rubes in the Big City: 2

Totals YTD:
Amusing Misspellings: 15
Jaded New Yorkers: 26
New York Eccentrics: 25
New Yorkers Aren't So Bad, After All: 16
Oh, Those Fast-Paced New Yorkers!: 13
Precocious NY Kids: 30
Precocious NY Pets: 6
Rubes in the Big City: 19
Single New York Woman's Perspective: 3
WTF: 2